Kidpowertool – unemployed dairy professional, lives in Key West, FL.
3 September 2009
The drawing below was recently unearthed from within a stack of books, deep within a long ignored section of the Callipeaux home library.
Regular readers will recognize this genteel-looking fellow by Chili Pie’s description of Edmund and LeTigre’s neighbor (part 4 of the ongoing accounts of the life of Edmund Callipeaux, 31 January 2009). Within his story, Chili Pie paints an accurate picture:
Currently, a man who they referred to as The Chud had taken up residence in the little house. The Chud was a hulk of a man who looked like a chunky Duane Allman, with long blonde hair and a scraggly beard. He had this huge old, broken-down pickup truck from the ‘70s that he was constantly trying to repair and keep running. It had more rust and primer on it than paint, and The Chud’s tools were strewn throughout its open bed. They said that every morning at 7:30am, The Chud would fire up the beastly machine to go to work. And because the truck had no muffler, and owing to the acoustics of the alleyway and apartment building, the roaring engine would sound like a 747 jetliner was taking off in their dining room. Ironically, on the weekends, the intense smells of exhaust and sonic booms from The Chud’s truck would be replaced by beautiful electric guitar music. Evidently, The Chud was also a virtuoso on the guitar and spent his Saturday afternoons playing classical music, like Bach and Vivaldi.
Given the historic nature of this find, our team of investigators have gone to work authenticating the drawing. E-mails have been sent, interviews have been conducted, and phone calls have been made. Yet, the authorship of the drawing remains a mystery.
Upon first seeing the sketch, LeTirge Callipeaux stated that WestCoast (a longtime friend of the Callipeaux’s) was the artist behind the likeness. However, after intense questioning, WestCoast claims total innocence, stating that he had never seen the work of art before.
When placed under the hot-lights of interrogation, Edmund too claimed that it was not a drawing of his - - stating for the record:
“I don’t think that I would make lines like that! I could see that maybe I could have drawn the mouth and the beard, but not the hair or the shirt…but maybe I drew the eyes and the nose. I don’t know - - I definitely did not draw that chin!”
Edmund proceeded to add:
“The likeness is so realistic looking…. perhaps no one drew it. Maybe it’s a photograph?”
Could this drawing actually be a photograph?
Edmund claims that the likeness is exact. So exact, in fact, that only a camera could capture so much detail and accuracy. He went on to say that perhaps the simplicity of the image is due to the photographer using one of those cheap disposable cameras. However, we pointed out to him that the linear quality of the image contradicts his argument. These lines are clearly the result of a ballpoint pen pressed against a scrap of paper. Furthermore, the image is flat and two-dimensional, whereas Chili Pie’s description of The Chud clearly alludes to his heft and volume when he writes:
“The Chud was a hulk of a man who looked like a chunky Duane Allman.”
A camera surely would have captured a more three-dimensional image of The Chud.
To all of this, Edmund replied:
“You know, Kid…. you know this won’t work on me - - THIS using facts and actual observations to prove your point. I’m immune to your twisted logic. I’m saying that the image is so real-looking that it can only be a photograph! Maybe the sun was behind The Chud, or the picture is over-exposed, or something. Or, maybe The Chud himself wants you to think that it’s a drawing...to trick you for some reason!!!
“What I’m saying is that no man, woman, or child could render such an accurate, lifelike image of The Chud. Think what you want to, but I was that guy’s neighbor for over a year, and I’m telling you that this looks exactly (not a little) exactly like him!”
And with that said, Edmund told us that his lawyers would field all further questions.
So, it remains a mystery.
Who or what created this image?
We may never know.
It could have been the product of several hands, each drawing and adding to the image. Thus explaining why it cannot be solely attributed to only one artist.
It could be a photograph (as Edmund suggests).
Or, given Edmund’s claim that no man, woman, or child could possibly compose such an accurate likeness, perhaps the culprits were woodland creatures who got hold of a BIC pen one afternoon, whereupon they crudely, yet accurately sketched The Chud under the midday sun while singing and dancing to the fanciful melodies that emanate from the soul of the Southern Minnesota prairie?
We may never know the truth, and perhaps that’s for the best. A good mystery does tend to liven things up a bit, doesn’t it? – KPT
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