Part 26: Accounts of the Life of Edmund Callipeaux

Contributor:
Edmund Callipeaux – artist, college instructor, lives in St. Louis Park.
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14 August 2009, 4:30 pm

For years, I’ve wondered why there is a blue line bisecting every Home Depot parking lot at about the two-thirds point. If you’ve never noticed one of these lines, it’s a thick, cobalt blue stripe that’s about a foot wide, and it runs parallel with the face of the storefront as it stretches from one end of the parking lot to the other.

What does it mean?

Why is it there?

Does it symbolize something? Like some sort of cheap discount version of a Home Depot brotherhood that is similar to the thin blue line with cops? Or, does it signify something like the Rose Lines in that Leonardo da Vinci Codebook, where it’ll lead you to something like the ancestors of Jesus?

I’ve pondered this question for years, and the other day I found my answers. And unfortunately, the truth behind the blue line is even less interesting than either of those two possibilities.

I was talking on the phone with Killdozer as I pulled into the St. Louis Park Home Depot. Noticing the blue line, I asked him if he knew anything about it.

“No,” was his reply.

“I doubt that it marks the location of buried pirate treasure,” I said.

“Yeah, that’s usually done with an X,” Killdozer said.

“True,” I said.

“Right,” he replied.

“Well, I’m going to get to the bottom of this today - - once and for all! It’s been driving me crazy for years,” I exclaimed.

“Good luck, I’ll bet no one in the store knows the answer,” continued Killdozer.

“It's probably a mystery that's been lost to the ages,” I mussed as I hung up the phone.

Marching into the store, I walked right up to the first person in an orange uniform that I saw, and I announced to him, “I have a question.”

“Yes,” replied the man.

“I have a question…and I want you to know that if you lie to me, I’ll be able to tell,” I pressured the man.

“How can I help?” he replied.

“Do you know why there is a blue line painted out there in every Home Depot parking lot?” I asked.

“Employees aren’t supposed to park on this side of the blue line,” he answered.

“Really?” I said.

“Is there anything else?” asked the man.

“No, I mean…where are the toilet seats located? I mean, I can’t believe that it’s just so that employees don’t take up all the good parking spaces,” I said.

“Toilet seats are in isle 7, all the way down at the back of the store,” replied the man as he went back to organizing lawn furniture that was on sale for half-price clearance.

So, that’s the story of the blue line - - a BIG disappointment.

It doesn't ward off some sort of evil curse. It doesn't have anything to do with some secret underground organization. Neither does it have anything to do with visitors from outer space. And it has nothing to do with the military trying to control our minds.

It's a parking sign.

Very disappointing. But, that seems to be the nature of things these days. And by that I mean, that if you’re like me, and you go around solving mysteries all day, you’ll soon find that most of them turn out to be pretty boring. – EC

The Non-Mysterious Blue Line